Monday, April 11, 2005

No Child's Behind Left

Thanks to Barb H, who knows what she is talking about:

"In response to the Federal No Child Left Behind Act, students will have to pass the test to be promoted to the next grade level. In the hopes that it will be uniformly adopted by all the states, thus illuminating Florida to a glorious front-runner position in education, it will be called: The Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test (FART).

All students who cannot pass a FART in the second grade will be retested in grades 3-5 until such a time, as they are capable of achieving a FART score of 80%.

If a student does not successfully FART by grade 5, that student shall be placed in a separate English program, the Special Means Elective for Learning Language (SMELL). If with this increased SMELL program the student cannot pass the required FART, he or she can graduate to middle school by taking a one-semester course in Comprehensive Reading and Arithmetic Preparation (CRAP).

If by age fourteen the student cannot FART, SMELL or CRAP, he or she will earn promotion in an intensive one-week seminar. This is the Preparatory Reading for Unprepared Nationally Exempted Students (PRUNES). It is the opinion of the Texas Department of Public Instruction that an intensive week of PRUNES will enable any student to FART, SMELL or CRAP."

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